I know this summer I pretty much dropped off the radar. It was not intentional. As I’ve posted before, I have several mental illnesses. Due to various catalysts, those illnesses pretty much kicked my butt this summer. I feel like I’m starting to come out of the funk now, very slowly, but starting to.
A good chunk of the problems came from a couple fights with someone I’ve been friends with for 18 years and whom I considered my best friend for most of that. Due to the fights, my depression grew worse, my problems with abandonment issues got much worse, and my anxiety over others walking away from me increased. We’re still friends, but our friendship has changed drastically and I’m still getting used to that. We went from talking everyday to talking about once a week, if that.
With all of the feelings that brought up, I started isolating more and more. Now, I don’t have that many close friends to begin with due to being an introvert with mental illnesses and low spoons*, but during this summer, my world really dwindled down. There’s only one friend that I really talked to through all this. However, I also had one friend who constantly checked in on me and wouldn’t let me stay too isolated from him (thank you!).
I also had some issues with my right wrist/hand. I’ve had a ganglion cyst in my right wrist for about 20 years give or take. Part of my job at work is to receive the books that come in, opening boxes, etc. At the end of May, I had a HUGE amount of boxes to open all at once (about 50-60 boxes – not exaggerating). Most of those were wrapped in shrink-wrap and all of the cutting with scissors seriously aggravated my cyst and made my wrist incredibly painful. I don’t deal with medical issues well so that was also added stress that took more spoons* to deal with than what I had.
During all this, all of my hobbies suffered, including my blog. My water garden became a big mess with algae (which I’m still cleaning out and battling). I just didn’t want to do anything but re-read books, which is a coping mechanism for me when things are too stressful. Reading the familiar scenes instead of reading new books where I don’t know what’s going to happen helps me.
I completely missed one blog tour post I was supposed to do, which I feel bad about. Thankfully, some instinct inside made it so I didn’t sign up for too many blog tours this summer. I was glad for that because I might have missed more than one if I had scheduled more.
I’m feeling better than I was, but there’s still a long way just to get back to what’s “normal” for me. My wrist is doing better due to some occupational therapy and getting spring-loaded scissors (seriously, if you do a lot of cutting – get some!). I’m blessed with family, friends, and an awesome therapist who have supported me through all this.
That’s what’s been going on and why I haven’t been around much this summer. All I had spoons* for was going to work, re-reading, and sleeping. Over the next two weeks, I hope to get a few reviews up that should have been done this summer. Plus some blog tours that I’m a part of.
* If you do not know what “low spoons” means, check out The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino. It’s a very tangible way for those of us with chronic illnesses, whether mental or physical to explain energy levels. Those with “low spoons” are starting the day out with less energy than those who do not have chronic illnesses.